Coping Tips

COPING TIPS FOR SPOUSES & PARTNERS

OF PEOPLE WITH MENTAL ILLNESS

By Edie Mannion, M.F.T.

Intimate relationships are complicated enough, but add in a severe illness or disability in one or both partners, and things can get even more complicated. If that illness is a MENTAL illness like bipolar disorder, depression or schizophrenia, the difficulties can be increased due to widespread stigma and ignorance about mental illness and the interpretation of confidentiality laws by service providers. These realities can make it harder for “well partners” to get the information and support they need to cope than if they were dealing with a “medical” illness or disability. For couples that also have children, parenting can become more complicated too. You deserve support!

TIPS FOR LIVING WITH MENTAL ILLNESS IN A PARTNER: You may not like your choices of staying in a difficult situation or getting separated, but with time and support, you can also learn to “stay in a different way:”

1. Learn all you can about your partner’s disorder and treatment, so you are better able to be supportive, manage your anger and adjust your expectations.

2. As both an equal partner and, at times, a caregiver, you have to work to find a BALANCE between your needs and your partner’s needs, even as they change with time and different phases of the disorder.

Don’t do for your partner what s/he is capable of doing, but sometimes you may have to take over certain responsibilities such as parenting, earning money and making sure bills get paid. Since juggling all these roles is extremely stressful, make sure to ask others for assistance and make time for your mental health and health, even if your partner does not like it. If you do not regularly “refuel,” you can burn out or also get sick.

3. Even though your partner’s behavior may be due to the illness, do not tolerate anything that endangers or violates you or your children. Decide on where to draw the line and respectfully set limits on unacceptable behavior.

4. Explain the illness to children, or they can become confused and overwhelmed with guilt and fear. Hopefully your partner will assist you.

For more tips about helping children cope, visit www.mhasp.org/coping