The following are some things to remember that should help you as you learn to live with mental illness in your family.

• You cannot cure a mental disorder for a parent or sibling.
• No one is to blame.
• The mental illnesses are not on a continuum with mental health.
• Mental disorders affect more than the afflicted.
• Despite your best efforts, symptoms may get worse, or they may improve.
• If you feel extreme resentment, you are giving too much.
• It is as hard for the parent or sibling to accept the disorder as it is for other family members.
• Acceptance of the disorder by all concerned may be helpful, but not necessary.
• A delusion is not amenable to reason, so it needs no discussion.
• Separate the person from the disorder.
• It is not OK for you to be neglected.  You have emotional needs and wants too.
• The illness of a family member is nothing to be ashamed of.  The reality is that you may encounter stigma from an apprehensive public.
• You may have to revise your expectations.
• You may have to renegotiate your emotional relationship.
• Acknowledge the remarkable courage your sibling or parents may show in dealing with the disorder.
• Generally, the closest sibling order and gender become emotionally enmeshed while those further out become estranged.
• Grief issues for siblings are about what you had and lost.  For adult children, about what you never had.
• After denial, sadness and anger comes acceptance.  The addition of understanding yields to compassion.
• It is absurd to believe you may correct a biological illness such as diabetes, schizophrenia, or bipolar disorder with talk, although addressing social complications may be helpful.
• Symptomology may change over time while the underlying disorder remains.
• You should request the diagnosis and its explanation from professionals.
• Mental health professionals have varied degrees of competence.
• You have a right to ensure your personal safety.
• Strange behavior is a symptom of the disorder.  Don’t take it personally.
• Don’t be afraid to ask your sibling or parent if he or she is thinking about hurting himself or herself.  Suicide is real.
• Don’t shoulder the whole responsibility for your mentally disordered relative yourself.
• You are not a paid professional caseworker.  Your role is to be a sibling or child (not a parent or case worker.)
• The needs of the ill person do not necessarily always come first.
• If you can’t care for yourself, you can’t care for another.
• It is important to have boundaries and to set clear limits
• Just because a person has limited capabilities doesn’t mean that you expect nothing from him or her.
• It is natural to experience the cauldron of emotions such as grief, guilt, fear, anger, sadness, hurt, confusion, and more.  You, not the ill person, are responsible for your own feelings.
• You are not alone.  Sharing your thoughts and feelings in a support group has been helpful and enlightening for many.
• Eventually you may see the silver lining in the storm clouds: increased awareness, sensitivity, receptivity, compassion, and maturity.  You may become less judgmental and self-centered.